Last week, Steve and I attended the UJA launch event in Toronto, and of all the things I saw and heard that evening, it was a sentence written on the floor that stayed with me:
“You are part of the mosaic of our community.”
Maybe it stayed with me because of the work Cheryl and I do.
We spend a lot of time with people whose picture of what life was supposed to look like is changing.
A marriage is ending. The matrimonial home may need to be sold. Children may be moving between two homes. Friendships and traditions can shift. Finances change. Even the people you once considered “your people” may suddenly feel different.
Divorce isn’t one change.
It can feel like someone picked up the mosaic of your life and scattered all the pieces.
The matrimonial home is often one of the biggest pieces
We have said this many times: selling a matrimonial home is not simply a real estate transaction.
A house holds history.
It may be where you brought your babies home. Where birthdays were celebrated, holidays were hosted, arguments happened, people gathered around the kitchen island, and plans for the future were made.
And now we are walking through that same house talking about pricing, repairs, staging, showings and offers.
Those conversations may sound practical, but we never forget what is happening underneath them.
For one person, selling may represent freedom and the ability to finally move forward.
For the other, it may represent the loss of the life they desperately wanted to hold onto.
Sometimes it is both.
You need people around you.
Steve, Cheryl, and I work in very different roles, but there is an interesting overlap in what we see.
Through Steve’s work in family law, mediation and dispute resolution, and through our work selling matrimonial homes particularly in high-conflict situations, we both see people when their lives feel incredibly unsettled.
And one thing has become very clear to us:
You are not meant to know how to do all of this yourself. You need the lawyer who can explain what you don’t understand.
The mediator who can help move a difficult conversation forward.
The divorce coach who can help you process what is happening when your emotions make it difficult to make decisions.
The financial professional who can help you understand what your next chapter actually looks like financially.
The Realtor who understands that selling a matrimonial home requires more than putting a sign on the lawn and uploading photos to MLS.
And then there are the people who aren’t being paid to be there at all.
The friend who answers the phone.
The sister who comes over.
The neighbour who takes the kids.
The person who reminds you that there is still a whole world outside of what you are going through.
That is your mosaic.
The pieces don’t have to go back where they were.
I think this may be the part we sometimes forget.
When life changes dramatically, the goal isn’t necessarily to recreate what existed before.
Some pieces may disappear.
New ones will appear.
Relationships may change. You may live somewhere different. Your family may look different. You may discover people, strengths and even parts of yourself that you didn’t know were there.
The picture changes.
But different doesn’t mean less.
Many of you know that my 17-year-old Jersey Girl left us just 10 days ago. As I looked at those words on the floor in this photo while writing this article, their meaning felt more powerful—and personal—than ever.
Every individual circle was different. Different colours, different patterns, different sizes. Some stood alone. Others overlapped.
Yet together, they created something beautiful.
Divorce may change your marriage, your home and the picture you once had of your future.
It doesn’t change the fact that you still belong.
You are still part of a family.
You are still part of friendships.
You are still part of a community.
And, perhaps most importantly, you are still creating the mosaic of what comes next.
Beyond the Sale | Samantha Graff Benmor
