One of my favourite ways to learn has always been through reflection.
Not just reflecting on what I’ve done well or what I could have done differently, but observing other people. How they communicate, how they treat people, how they react when they’re challenged, and how they make others feel.
Sometimes I see qualities I admire and think, I want to be more like that.
But some of my most valuable lessons have actually come from the opposite reaction:
I don’t want to be like that.
That may sound negative, but I don’t see it that way at all. I think there is tremendous value in recognizing behaviour in someone else that doesn’t sit well with you and then being willing to ask yourself the much harder question:
Do I ever do that too?
Because it’s very easy to identify something we don’t like in another person. It’s much harder to recognize a version of that same behaviour in ourselves.
Maybe I’ve watched someone dominate a conversation and not really listen.
Maybe I’ve seen someone become defensive when they’re given feedback.
Maybe I’ve watched someone make everything about themselves, dismiss another person’s feelings, speak too quickly without thinking, hold onto being right, or simply not realize how their energy is affecting the people around them.
In the moment, I may think, I really don’t like how that feels.
And then, weeks, months or even years later, I’ll catch myself doing something similar.
That’s when the original observation becomes a lesson.
I can almost replay the conversation or remember exactly how I felt watching that person. And suddenly I’m looking in the mirror instead of through the window.
Oh. I’m doing it too.
For me, that realization isn’t about beating myself up. It’s information.
And information gives us the opportunity to change.
I’m 53 years old, and one thing I know for certain is that growth doesn’t have an age limit. I don’t ever want to become so comfortable with who I am that I stop questioning how I show up.
As a wife, daughter, step mother, friend, businessperson, Realtor, colleague and simply as a human being, I’m still learning.
Sometimes the lesson comes from someone I deeply admire.
Sometimes it comes from a mistake I make myself.
And sometimes it comes from observing behaviour in someone else and thinking, I never want to make another person feel the way that just made me feel.
Those lessons can be incredibly powerful because they give us a reference point. When we recognize that behaviour beginning to surface in ourselves, we have a choice.
We can justify it.
We can ignore it.
Or we can change it.
I hope I always choose the third.
Because self-awareness isn’t about believing we’ve figured ourselves out. I think it’s almost the opposite.
It’s being curious enough to keep discovering ourselves
The parts that still need a little work.
And sometimes, one of the greatest teachers in our lives is the person who unintentionally shows us exactly who we don’t want to become.
If we’re willing to pay attention, even that can be a gift.
